Finding Moxie

It Can't Suck Forever (or, thoughts on the labor movement)

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 09:36:16 -0500

Not too long ago, I took a job outside of the nonprofit world because the pay was better. Currently, I work a job that I hate. Despise. It might be the worst job I’ve ever had in my life. I’m underpaid and I receive no benefits whatsoever. I would go into the details of this job more, but this is the internet y’all…I’d prefer not to post it where it will never go away. Let’s just leave it at “this job is pretty awful” and I’ll spare you the details.

One of the positives of this terrible job is that it has made me think. A lot. About myself, about what I’m capable of and what I want out of life. For example, I have long since learned that I am much better suited to work in the realm of people, not profits.

Lately my encouragement for myself has been “it can’t suck forever”. It’s the phrasing I use anytime I get upset about any issue or anytime I’m struggling. This too shall pass. Everything shall pass. It can’t suck forever. I’ll move on. I’ll find a better job. Things will get better for me. It works. Except, I have privilege. My privilege will allow me to eventually move out of a job I dislike. I can’t help but think about all the people that can’t. For them, maybe, this will suck forever. This won’t pass. They’ll be stuck in terrible jobs they hate. Underpaid. No health insurance. No paid time off. Nothing. Living paycheck to paycheck.

I’ve been thinking a lot about labor unions, and how all workers deserve a living wage, decent healthcare and some sort of retirement. American Airlines is casting its recent bankruptcy as caused by their labor union demanding too much by way of salary and benefits. Somehow, labor union members are cast as greedy workers who want to do as little as possible and get the most benefits for nothing. Is that true? Have we really come so far that WANTING to only work 40 hours a week, for a living wage, with healthcare you can afford and a guaranteed retirement too much to ask for? Do we resent labor unions because we all work ourselves to the bone, and suddenly because they are asking for what they deserve, it’s too much because we don’t receive it too? Seriously, fuck this “protestant work ethic” bullshit. It’s a pathway to exploit the many for monetary gain of the few.

It truly saddens me that support for the labor movement is so low, particularly where I am in the South. The labor movement is working for what we ALL deserve. I won’t deny the problems the labor movement has - because, let’s be real here, no movement is without its problems. However, is the labor movement really a thing of yesteryear?

thephrygiancap: Occupy Wall Street Projects Msg Onto Verizon...

Thu, 17 Nov 2011 22:47:33 -0500

thephrygiancap:

Occupy Wall Street Projects Msg Onto Verizon Building

On Silliness

Thu, 17 Nov 2011 10:39:01 -0500

In case you didn’t know, I’m a somewhat silly person (SHOCKER). I keep wanting to post about sex, or polyamory, or Occupy Wall Street, or LGBT issues, or reproductive rights…you get the idea.

This post came from the fact that I was really stupidly excited about the fact that I can now do TINY PIGTAILS in my hair. Let’s be honest…I’m a silly person. On top of activism, and passion for these things…I love internet memes, ridiculously neon clothing, fun hairstyles, loud jokes…for fuck’s sake, I have a neon pink chicken tattooed on my ankle (who I happen to love very much, thankyou) and purple hair. So today I want to write about silly things.

I am a big believer in silliness and playfulness. So many things in are world are boring, quiet, uninteresting….life is too short not to be playful. Why NOT own fairy wings and a tutu, and wear them on occasion? Why NOT make loud jokes? Why NOT dress in brightly colored clothing? I mean…come on. We have all the time in the world for super serious things. We could all benefit from some silliness from time to time - play is beneficial to people of all ages for a multitude of reasons, and yet we choose not to be playful!

There’s really nothing to fear about being playful or silly. There’s nothing dangerous. You won’t get in trouble. Perhaps it comes from a Burner mindset of immediacy and radical self-expression - sort of a “doing what makes you happy in the moment” type mentality. It amazes me that people get so STUNNED when I’m silly or choose to do silly things.

So. You. Go do something silly today.

"With all due respect, women are quite capable of defending their own honor."

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 10:40:21 -0500

“With all due respect, women are quite capable of defending their own honor.”

- Hila Benyovits-Hoffman (via invisibletape)

Mah Hairs (Or, the personal is political)

Sat, 12 Nov 2011 17:05:12 -0500

I am quite sure people probably get sick of my “everything I do is political”, but hey, here I am writing about more random things I do that I feel have to do with my values!

I chopped my hair off today and it’s AWESOME. You should know - I have had long hair my entire life. Long, thick, super almost-curtain like hair. I loved it. I loved going to the salon and having the hairdresser talk about how long and healthy and gorgeous my hair was. I never did anything to it. I hardly ever cut it (I cut it short once two years ago and hated it) and absolutely never dyed it. It certainly matched my don’t-speak-too-loudly don’t-take-risks hey-stay-in-line attitude. I’m not that kind of person (clearly).

So I dyed my hair purple and pink. And then, today, I chose to chop it off.

This is HUGE for me. It feels awesome and feels transformational. I feel like the fun, swingy hair fits my personality more. It’s bright and loud and it makes me have a personality to match. I can’t hide, and I can’t blend in. I am really pleased with that choice.

I’m sure that I’m certainly not the first person to experience the feeling that comes with having nontraditional hair that doesn’t conform to standard ideals. However, as someone who believes strongly in “the personal is political”, this feels way more in line with who I am. Why would I want a part of me to contradict that?

"You're Too Sensitive"

Fri, 11 Nov 2011 10:51:00 -0500

Hey, here’s a phrase I hear a lot.

“You’re too sensitive.”

I hear this phrase in a variety of contexts. I was just joking - you’re too sensitive. What I said wasn’t that mean - you’re too sensitive. Stop crying - you’re too sensitive. You shouldn’t take it that way - you’re too sensitive.

I really go back and forth about whether or not I find this phrase offensive. I will say that every single time someone says it to me, it stings. To me, it feels like a way for someone to diminish an intense reaction that I’m having. Hey, what I said wasn’t offensive - you’re too sensitive.

Don’t get me wrong - I understand the necessity of occasionally having a thick skin, of being able to joke and jab at my friends playfully, to be able to let it roll off my back when someone insults me. However, I don’t view my sensitivity as a bad thing. My sensitivity is what makes me passionate about social justice. My sensitivity makes me unafraid to call someone out for their bad behavior or using language I find uncomfortable. I feel like my sensitivity is what keeps me from being complacent. If something stirs me and makes me so uncomfortable, I’m not going to sit idly by while it offends me.

Perhaps you should choose different words before you assume someone is “too sensitive.” Maybe examine your own behavior first. Did you use an offensive slur? Did you joke about something that person might be uncomfortable with? Don’t apologize for your bad behavior by saying “you’re too sensitive.” It still doesn’t make it okay.

I’m not advocating for approaching the world with kid-gloves here, but I think “you’re too sensitive” is a cop-out and an excuse.

Ten Reasons to Love My Body

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 00:16:20 -0500

At the gym tonight, I kept thinking of a wonderful list I read once, a list written by a woman of reasons to love her body. They were physical reasons, and weight-unrelated. I’ve decided to make my own - I want to share ten things I love that my body does.

1) My body can survive - and thrive - in ten days of desert conditions.

2) My body can help build a 30 feet tall effigy - digging holes, lifting heavy wood, putting it together, and then climbing it.

3) My body can leap into the air, dance on a football field, and keep a hula-hoop up as long as I want it to.

4) My body can eat fire.

5) My body can give me amazing orgasms.

6) My body can run 2.5 miles.

7) My body can fall out of a moving golf cart and come away with little more than laughter and one tiny bruise.

8) My body can stretch, bend, and still do the splits if I want it to.

9) My body can provide comfort and care to others in the form of hugs, a shoulder to cry on, and snuggles.

10) My body can do hang drywall, repaint a wall, climb ladders and work to remodel my house.

…I could go on. What’s your list?

26 is defeated.

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 00:02:19 -0500

We won you guys. We won.

Fuck it. We are having a gif party RIGHT NOW, tumblr.

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 22:49:41 -0500

rabbleprochoice:

I’ll start it off:

Love,

Rabble

"A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that..."

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 08:52:12 -0500

““A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.””

- Margaret Mead

rabbleprochoice: iamdrtiller: Fantastic response to...

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 18:58:53 -0500

rabbleprochoice:

iamdrtiller:

Fantastic response to anti-abortion protestors in Fargo, ND. Via.

Unf.

Love,

Rabble

Oh man. A) You’re sexy B) WHY DID I NOT THINK OF THIS?!

Follow Ups from Mississippi and Thoughts

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 18:45:15 -0500

I’m back from Mississippi. My experiences there were both wonderful and incredibly stressful. First: you should know that Mississippi is full of wonderful people who are in fighting in the trenches of this battle. Don’t discount them all as “backwoods hillbillies who are no better than the Taliban.” It was wonderful and inspiring to be surrounded by passionate pro-choicers, people who firmly believe in my rights - in our rights - who are willing to volunteer their time, energy, money and drive to this fight. The fire in their bellies amazed me and inspired me, and made me want to work harder (who says there aren’t young feminists again?). They called for hours, canvassed for hours, knocked on doors despite being screamed at and called names, organized volunteers, cooked food, and gave of themselves in ways that absolutely stunned me. In the past, I sat back and let someone else do the heavy lifting. I know that I just can’t do that anymore.

I’m back in a place where my rights are (only slightly more) protected. Or are they? I sit here and I think, “When does this come to my state? When do I fear for my rights? When do they come for my rights?”

It’s frightening. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t fearful for Mississippi, for all of us, tomorrow. This is beyond abortion. It’s birth control, treatment of ectopic pregnancies, women with their lives in danger, rape and incest victims. It touches every single woman in the US. This is really patriarchy in action. It’s hard to feel so powerless. I wish I could personally call every person in Mississippi and tell them to vote no. I wish I could do more.

I called almost 300 homes on Saturday, reminding them to vote. I talked to several people in support of the initiative - lots of people who do not understand how far this initiative will go. One woman I spoke with had experienced an ectopic pregnancy, but was still supporting the initiative! There’s so much misinformation, and it’s frustrating.

However, I also talked with many, many people who are against 26.Every.single.person. who is against this initiative needs to go out and vote. It’s imperative. The polling says that it’s neck-and-neck…we can win this.

If you know someone in Mississippi, CALL THEM AND TELL THEM TO VOTE NO. This needs to happen NOW. If you don’t live in Mississippi, you can still donate to the Mississippians for Healthy Families campaign. Every single cent counts. We’re down to the wire, let’s give it all we’ve got, folks.

Mississippi

Fri, 04 Nov 2011 10:02:18 -0400

I’m traveling to Hattiesburg, Mississippi to work with the Mississippians for Healthy Families campaign, against Amendment 26 - the personhood amendment.

If you don’t know much about the personhood amendment, the basic premise is to define a legal “person” as beginning at conception. The most obvious consequence here is abortion, as it would become homicide - including for rape victims, incest victims, or if the health or life of the mother is at stake. It would also outlaw some forms of birth control, in-vitro fertilization, treatment of ectopic pregnancy, and may even cause some women to be investigated for miscarriages.

To have this amendment pass would cause a ripple effect across the country. If it passes, it may travel to the Supreme Court, where a very precarious court who has ruled against abortion rights in the past may strike it down. We hope it will get struck down in a lower court prior to that - but there is the situation of continual appeals. I am not a legal expert, but the waters are murky for the exact legal challenges that follow if this amendment passes. And what of the women of Mississippi in the meantime? Does the law go into affect? What of the anti-choice movement, now emboldened by a huge victory?

There are too many questions for me to sit comfortably. I felt powerless watching this all happen - until I realized that I know how to organize against campaigns like this. I can go and help. So I’m going to.

There are ways you can help, too:
- Post on Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, Plus, and Blogs about the campaign. Encourage your friends in Mississippi to vote against it.

- Donate money to the Mississippians for Healthy Families Campaign

- Donate money to Planned Parenthood, the Center for Reproductive Rights, the ACLU, or your favorite reproductive rights organization (I can point you to about 9000. Abortion Funds particularly need help all the time)

- Call up your favorite reproductive rights organization and volunteer your time

The fight’s not over, and we’re not giving up. Also, thank you to all my friends who donated money to cover my gas expenses on the trip over. You’re ridiculously amazing people (intentional community, and all that).

Intentional Community

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 10:03:57 -0400

When I figured out that I could choose my community and choose my family, my whole world exploded.

I’ve been reading a little bit of Clarisse Thorn’s thoughts on the benefits (and negatives) of intentional community, and I’d like to share some of my experiences.

I have spent the past year or so participating in, and building, an intentional community of my own.

Prior to that, I had been looking for a community through music festivals, through EDM parties (I hesitate to call them raves), and through my friends. I found none, which was depressing. Community and a sense of interconnectedness is something I’ve always deeply desired, and something that has always felt important to me. Most of the time, I felt a deep feeling of longing for something of the sort.

Then I went to Alchemy. I felt like I got a “taste” of that sense of community I desired. Seeing communal effort in action (my favorite principle) opened my eyes. Here was a group of people gathered together to do AMAZING things, relying on each other, communicating with each other - because they wanted to, because they chose to - NOT out of obligation.

I had to go back to the “default world”. I tried - very hard - to recreate that sense in Birmingham. I couldn’t. A few weeks later, I began to visit my friends in Atlanta at the warehouse space where I would soon live. People explained to me the concepts of “intentional community” and “chosen family” to me. It actually seemed foreign - my blood family has such a forced sense of obligation to each other that I actually believed I would never experience something like this. I mulled the concept over in my head, and decided to commit to choosing my family.

Fast forward a year. I feel a deep sense of connection and love toward every single one of these people. There would be a hole in my life without them. Even now, parting ways from our warehouse we all live in (and don’t get me wrong, I’m excited about central heat and a nice kitchen), I realize there would be a hole in my life without them. T’s brother left, and I really have few words to describe how much I miss him.

There haven’t been a lack of tribulations, for sure. Living communally, amongst people who are (mostly) in interconnected relationships with each other, can lead to strife sometimes. There are days where we all want to stab each other, days where we grate on each other’s nerves. Our cleaning habits clearly don’t align with each other. However, I have learned massive amounts of patience. I’ve learned to love people despite their flaws, or how often I want to stab them. I’ve learned to lean on people and let people in more. I have grown so much as a person that I don’t want to EVER not live with part of my chosen family.

I feel that intentional communities are some of the most beneficial experiences a person can have. Not to discount the benefits of the “traditional” family - I’m sure that experience has meaning and value for a lot of people - but imagine, if people broke away from the traditional family model and chose to live in whatever living arrangement they desired? I am aware this happens all over the world, and in a lot of subcultures in the US. I wish I could share it with more people.

"‎What we focus on, we empower and enlarge. Good multiplies when focused upon. Negativity multiplies..."

Thu, 10 Mar 2011 11:06:29 -0500

“‎What we focus on, we empower and enlarge. Good multiplies when focused upon. Negativity multiplies when focused upon. The choice is ours: Which do we want more of?””

- - Julia Cameron

"We have two lives… the life we learn with and the life we live after that. Suffering is what brings..."

Thu, 27 Jan 2011 11:57:57 -0500

““We have two lives… the life we learn with and the life we live after that. Suffering is what brings us towards happiness.””

- Bernard Malamud

"Not only does the power of your thought determine which people make their way into your life, but..."

Thu, 20 Jan 2011 11:28:01 -0500

“Not only does the power of your thought determine which people make their way into your life, but the power of your thought determines how they behave once they get there.”

- Abraham

Trapeze Class

Tue, 18 Jan 2011 22:33:21 -0500

My first trapeze class was tonight, and WOW was it amazing!

I began the class confident, and had my confidence knocked down a few pegs after my first attempt at getting up onto the trapeze. Proper technique kicked my ass! Then we learned how to sit and stand on the bar - and I was terrified. Obviously, it’s high off the ground and it takes a LOT of effort to get up there. I doubted myself, and got scared. I chose fear. I started to talk myself out of it - that I couldn’t do it, that I would fall, that I wouldn’t be able to learn.

After a couple of attempts at standing on the bar, I made the conscious decision to choose not to be scared anymore. I chose to be the first one to get on the trapeze each time we tried something new. I chose to be try the harder, more complicated movements.

It was incredibly powerful to me to choose not to be fearful and choose to conquer the trapeze. Once I got up there - I found that it came fairly naturally me, and I was the only student who was able to balance without gripping the ropes. I tried to remember my dance training and point my toes and move gracefully - admittedly kind of hard to remember when you’re 3 feet off the ground on a tiny bar).

It was a wonderful experience, and I was super jazzed off of endorphins afterward - I bounced around for approximately 30 minutes!

I’m so proud of myself. Proud of choosing not to be afraid and proud of what my body can do. It continually amazes me.

"Pointing out that men are privileged in no way denies that bad things happen to men. Being..."

Tue, 18 Jan 2011 00:36:15 -0500

“

Pointing out that men are privileged in no way denies that bad things happen to men. Being privileged does not mean men are given everything in life for free; being privileged does not mean that men do not work hard, do not suffer. In many cases – from a boy being bullied in school, to a soldier dying in war – the sexist society that maintains male privilege also does great harm to boys and men.

In the end, however, it is men and not women who make the most money; men and not women who dominate the government and the corporate boards; men and not women who dominate virtually all of the most powerful positions of society. And it is women and not men who suffer the most from intimate violence and rape; who are the most likely to be poor; who are, on the whole, given the short end of patriarchy’s stick.

”

- Barry Deutsch- The Male Privilege Checklist (via reelaroundthefountain | tigersmilk)

On Happiness

Thu, 13 Jan 2011 22:15:08 -0500

I recently read a point that I have been mulling over my brain for a bit. The specific quote was, “He is not here to make me happy, nor am I here to create happiness for him.”

This is a scary concept. It feels, at first, as though no one cares whether you should be happy or not. That no one should be working to make you happy. It feels a little cold, a little sterile, to think about the fact that your lover is not there to make you happy. One would hope that your lover makes you happy - or else you would not be with that person, correct? The difference then, I believe, is between obligation and choice. One must realize that it is not your lover’s job to make you happy, nor their responsibility to. When you obligate someone to make you happy, unhealthy connections happen. Also, when you outsource your happiness to others, you forget how to make yourself happy - which is what is most important.

Ultimately, because they care about you, they will choose to do things to make you happy. You will find happiness with them not because you expect it, but by virtue of your lover being who they are.

Now, obviously, your lover cannot always choose to do things that make you happy, and you cannot always choose to do things that make your lover happy. Ultimately, your responsibility is to yourself, and one must make choices that, sometimes make our lovers unhappy. This is a difficult place to be in - no one wants to see our lovers hurt.

I have long struggled with the concept of not being responsible for my lovers’ happiness and they not being responsible for mine. I am, by nature, a pleaser and a caretaker. When my lover is hurting, or is unhappy, I immediately feel it to be my responsibility to make my lover happy, to “fix it”.

This isn’t true. It’s not always possible - sometimes you have to be okay with the person you love being not okay. If you are choosing something that makes you happy, you must trust that your lover will either ultimately be okay with things in the end, or find some way to deal with it. By choosing to be with you, your lover must accept the fact that sometimes they will not be happy. No amount of you feeling responsible for your lover’s happiness will solve that problem or make your lover stay with you.

Again, coming back to the issue of choices - one must ultimately choose to make oneself happy first, because, really, that’s all you can affect or control anyway. You can choose to be with a lover who makes you happy, but must also realize that your lover must choose what makes them happy as well.